


The Greater Good

by edwardbraelinvonhaus



Category: VH - A Harry Potter Roleplay Site, Virtual Hogwarts
Genre: F/M, Gen, VH - A Harry Potter Roleplay Site - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7393204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edwardbraelinvonhaus/pseuds/edwardbraelinvonhaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year begins with a funny feeling from Hogwarts' resident healer. Things become more complicated when Headmaster Arthur Weasley disappears, leaving Aurora Braelin-VonHaus to protect a secret so big, it could change the world as we know it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: I own only Aurora Braelin-VonHaus, and both Spike and Alex's souls. :D All characters belong to their proper owners.**

 

* * *

 

 

**Chapter One**

 

The last day of summer was always one that made Aurora Braelin-VonHaus feel sorrowful. Sure, it meant that vacation was at an end, but that didn’t really mean too much for her since she still worked the summer at St. Mungo’s when she wasn’t at Hogwarts. This was something that she and her husband, Spike VonHaus, always seemed to disagree on. Frequently, he’d remind her that she didn’t need to work, she was with _him_ and they had more than enough wealth that she could stay home with him and their two new additions to the family. She could see herself being happy with that life, at least for a while before she went mad with boredom--not that she thought her children were boring by any means. Though, she knew deep down that she was undeserving of the life of luxury that he was offering her. She was a woman of action; anyone who knew her could vouch for that, and she loved having a sense of purpose. What greater purpose was there than helping people and saving lives? It was important to her, and every time Spike brought it up, she never hesitated to remind him that her work was just as important as his. Her livelihood had nothing to do with money. It was deeper than that.

Everyone was in the backyard that day, August 31st, celebrating birthdays and mourning the last day of summer at the same time. Spike had the BBQ going, surrounded by the other men of the family and was producing hot dogs and hamburgers, steaks and pork chops left, right and centre. There was beer for the adults--the men mostly--and soda, juice and water for the kids. Aurora opted for a bottle of water, steering clear from the alcohol. There was a time, long ago, when she thought the answers she was looking for could be found at the bottom of a bottle or two--definitely more. She never classified herself as an alcoholic, and kicked the crutch easily enough after having an epiphany during her time in Paris all those years ago, but she drank seldom ever since, regardless.

A large pool had been magically created in the backyard for the happy occasion, and Aura’s adopted cousin, Selina, was on duty, diligently watching over all the children that were being loud and splashing water all over the place, including in each other’s faces. She could hear Selina calling out to them to settle down before someone got a finger in the eye or worse. Mercifully, the two new additions to the family were upstairs, sleeping and blissfully unaware of the party happening outside. Aurora kept a baby monitor nearby so she could hear when they demanded her attention.

Sitting at a table under the cover of a large canopy, she sipped her water and watched the kids horsing around in the pool. She smiled, because it was rare moments like this that would always be with her. She wasn’t a fan of the sun, and while she could appreciate gorgeous days, if she had to sit outside for any length of time, the shade is where she would rather do it.

Alexandria Turlough, cousin and best friend, came over to the table and presented Aurora with a hot dog before sitting down in the chair next to her. She glanced at the offered hot dog and accepted it, even though her stomach wasn’t hungry enough to want to eat it. Still, it was the thought that counted, and the healer smiled gratefully towards her cousin, who was as radiant as ever with a growing belly that demanded more than one serving from the BBQ. “Thank you,” she said, capping her water and taking a bite. Merlin, it was the juiciest hot dog, ever. If there was one thing Spike knew how to do (which isn’t to suggest he didn’t know a lot of things), it was how to have a kick-ass BBQ. Alex hummed her response, having already dove into her own meal.

Alex had just about finished her hot dog _and_ hamburger by the time Aurora had eaten half of a hot dog. “Everything okay over there, Squirt?” Alex inquired, nudging her with her elbow. Of course she’d notice the lack of appetite.

Aura smiled, nodding her head, lost in the memory that was being made at that very moment when Jacen jumped off the diving board and pulled one leg up to his chest in a very successful jack-knife. Water shot up a good fifteen feet into the air, but its arc had the water descending in the direction of the two women. Water plopped down heavily onto the canopy and Aurora chuckled to herself. “Everything’s perfect,” she said after a moment, and right then, she wasn’t entirely sure she believed herself.

“Going back tomorrow, eh?”

“Tonight, actually. For a couple of hours. Just to set up the Wing, get everything in order before tomorrow. But, yeah, I’ll be heading back on the train tomorrow morning.” Now, it felt like it was a necessity for her to ride the Hogwarts Express to the castle. She didn’t need to. Apparation to Hogsmeade was just a blink of an eye away, but ever since that year she had taken the train with her eldest boys simply to watch over their first train ride to the castle,  and the attack that nearly took them from her, she rode it every year now, keeping a watchful eye on all of _her_ children and all of the other children she felt equally responsible for. This, Alex understood without question.

“You know, Squirt… I have such a bad feeling about Hogwarts this year,” Alex confided, swiping a napkin along the corners of her mouth, food finished, mother and baby both satisfied.

Aurora barked a laugh, but made no move to initiate eye contact with her, knowing what she’d see when she did. Worry, fear, helplessness all mixed together out of love, and coupled with painful memories from their youth. “You always have a bad feeling about Hogwarts,” she challenged. “Every year.”

“And you don’t?”

The question made Aurora tilt her head towards Alex while it weighed heavily in her mind. “You know, I’m usually the one with the bad feelings,” Aurora pointed out, telling Alex she was worrying too much without saying it outright. Obviously, in that moment, the healer was void of any _bad feelings_ , per se. There was _something_ lurking just under the surface, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

"You're usually right about them, too," Alex replied, giving a slight nod to an ability that Aurora had long since lost. Able to see the future when she was but a student in Hogwarts, only to become so damaged at the hands of dark wizards, it was no wonder why Aurora had lost the ability to see the future because of the trauma.

Aurora flicked her eyes to her cousin, and she saw everything she knew she would see directed towards her. “Alex, don’t let your mind go there,” she said gently. “That’s not a path I want you traveling with me.” When Alex looked away, her attention seemingly drawn towards the children, Aura knew it was more than that. Her words had struck a chord. Since when did they travel different paths? She didn’t need a seer’s ability to know what was going through the elder’s head. “Thinking like that all the time,” she continued, looking away as well, “it can change you. It can change the way you see things, and people.”

“This isn’t small stuff I’m sweating about, Aura. It’s not some jaded sort of thinking. It’s big, and it’s important. Nothing is more important than your safety, and theirs,” Alex nodded towards the VonHaus kids in the pool just as Edward jumped on Jonathan and pulled him under the water. “I’m just saying that I--”

“Have a bad feeling. I got it.” And it was enough to spring forth her own seeds of doubt on the upcoming school year, and she looked at her children worriedly.

“No--well, yes, but rather, I just want you to be careful.” Alex couldn’t hide the concern in her voice.

The corners of Aura’s mouth twitched upwards. “Always,” she promised and went for her water again. She didn’t even bother taking a swig. She fiddled with the lid in her hand, because while she hadn’t exactly had a bad feeling beforehand, it was definitely there now, more prominent in the back of her mind than usual.

She caught Spike waving at her in her peripheral and she looked over. “Food’s ready,” she announced to her cousin.  Taking Spike's cue, she rose from her spot and wandered towards the pool. “Okay, guys! Everyone out. It’s dinner time.” She was greeted with a chorus of groans from half of the children. Meanwhile, Edward and Jonathan were eagerly hauling themselves out, bellies longing for food. Aurora stood at the edge of the pool watching the stragglers. Alex’s mother, Kathryn, was in the pool with her grandchildren, supervising them alongside Selina, who preferred to stay dry.

Suddenly, something felt off. She flicked her eyes towards her daughter who was whispering excitedly towards Jacen and wrapping herself up in a towel. There was someone behind her. She knew exactly what this was. Hell, she had done this in the past, and now was obviously the time for revenge. “Don’t do it,” she warned loudly to the one who was plotting against her. “I don’t care if you’re pregnant. You’re going in, too, if you do.”

There was movement, behind her, calling her bluff. Turning just enough to grip Alex’s arm, she was shoved so unceremoniously towards the large body of water, but she had a strong enough hold on her cousin that Alex fell into the warm water with her, both screaming girlishly until they were submerged. Truth be told, the water felt heavenly on this scorcher of a day. She stayed under for a second while Alex kicked for the surface. Under here, the laughter of adults and the squeals of excited children having witnessed their mothers at play was muffled. There was a sort of peace that came under water. Everything was just shut out. It was solitude and she was weightless in it.

Her head broke the surface in time for Alex to thrust a wave of water in her face with her palm. Aurora retaliated, laughing, engaging her inner child for all of five minutes, bad feelings forgotten. "Alright, alright. You just ate. You know the rule, mommy," she chastised her cousin and swam for the shallow end. "AJ, sweetie, could you grab us a couple more towels from inside?"

Laughing, AJ trotted off to do just that. Ascending the steps, Aurora turned back to Alex, giggling like a little girl and extended her hand. Not that Alex needed help, but there was a solidarity to the gesture and Alex took it, allowing herself to be helped out of the pool. “How did you know I was even behind you?” Alex asked in good spirits and took the towel AJ had returned with.

“Those two,” the healer pointed at Jacen, and by association, AJ, too. “Can’t contain their excitement sometimes. And… I figured you’d try try it after last year.” She turned towards everyone else. “Okay, okay. Dinner time. Come on, everyone. Pool’s closed.”

Ushering everyone toward the table where the men, the husbands--Uncle Mike, Creylen, Spike, Daniel, Aaron--were assorting everything for everyone. Eventually, everyone was sitting at the tables under the large canopy, eating merrily and talking amongst themselves. By the time dinner was done, Aurora was still soaking wet, but Alex had snuck into the house and emerged less than a minute later perfectly dry once more.

She sat next to her husband, arm looped through his, wet head resting upon his bare shoulder. “Great BBQ, babe,” she whispered to him. Spike looked down at her with his ocean blues and swooped in for a quick smooch.

“Keep it PG, you two,” Sarah said from across the table, but low enough that only they could hear.

“Mum!” the healer admonished, a blush creeping up her neck as she buried her face into Spike’s shoulder. “Jeez.” The woman had such a nasty habit of making her feel like a horny teenager all over again, busted for making out with her then partner, whether it was Darcie, or Beau, or Harko, or Lian back in the day. “Want to help me with the cake?” she murmured in his ear. Of course, she meant they were going to snog for a minute before lighting the candles and bringing out the large cake that would be enough for two slices each if people so desired. They went overboard sometimes, but birthdays were a big deal.

Then, who doesn’t love presents?

There was eventually more swimming after a sufficient amount of time had passed. The presents were opened, and Edward and Jonathan seemed to be overwhelmed in a good way. They were appreciative to their relatives, thanked, hugged and kissed everyone. That made Aurora a proud momma. The younger twins had woken up, and just as Aurora was about to venture into the house to tend to them, Spike promised he had them and disappeared into the house before she could even rise from her seat. “Wish I could train Creylen like that,” Alex muttered over her shoulder, watching the former Slytherin as he went.

Aurora barked a laugh, because _yeah_ , she knew she was very lucky. She had no snappy retort to that, just kept chuckling. The sun was beginning to set, and she didn’t want to have to end the party, but it was just about that time. The kids needed to go through their night before school ritual. They needed to shower and get the smell of chlorine out of their hair. They also needed to recheck their trunks and make sure everything was packed (and packed properly). Then, before bed, it was time for a movie, and it was Jacen’s turn to pick, which would undoubtedly result in a VonHaus war between the children.

The pool was void of children an hour later, the party wrapping up just in time, really. Alex scooped up Aurora Jr. in her arms and tilted her towards Aurora. “Give Auntie Aura a kiss!” she cooed at her daughter, making Aurora chuckle. She made a point of making a loud smacking noise with her lips on Rora’s cheek, much to the young girl’s delight. The two cousins managed a one armed hug. “Take care, Squirt.”

“You, too, Quack.”

She smiled, watching Alex rounding up her family and heading for the fireplace. She waved, sad and slow, before Alex dropped the floo powder to her feet and was gone in the flash of green fire. Selina and her family also opted for the fireplace. Abigail and her family, however, had to drive, so they left an hour earlier, along with Kathryn and Michael.

The house was quiet again, and Deew suddenly appeared next to Aurora, tugging on her sleeve like that of a child. She smiled down at him. “Should Deew clean the house now, Mrs. Aurora?” She had always felt so incredibly awkward with a house elf. She hated that he cleaned for the family, detested that he liked it so much. It’s been years, and still it felt wrong.

“No, Deew. That’s okay. I can handle it tonight.”

“But, Deew insists!”

“Oh, Deew,” she sighed appreciatively. She could see from his big eyes that he wasn’t going to back down. Had he been that bored today? “If you want --” She didn’t even finish the sentence before he was off to do just that. Amused, she went off in search of Spike to tell him the kids were showering, then double checking their trunks. “I’ll be back in time for the movie,” she added.

Heading for the fireplace, Aurora, too, disappeared in a flash of green fire.


	2. Chapter Two

**CHAPTER TWO**

 

Aurora expected to arrive in her office covered in soot, but mercifully, she was spared such a fate. Clearly, the house elves had been working overtime in the castle, and she emerged with very little mess, which wouldn’t have been a big deal anyway, as she quickly magicked it away and thought nothing more about it. The wing was growing dark with the setting sun, and she ignited a few lanterns in her office to provide herself with some light by which she could work. On her desk was files upon files for the new first year students to be sorted tomorrow. She sighed to herself as she looked at them. This was always the worst part of being a healer, dotting the ‘i’s’ and crossing the ‘t’s’. It was painful at times, but helped cover her ass if problems were to arise in the future. A necessary evil, she’d decided a long time ago, after seeing too many healers lose their jobs over their questionable actions that they did not document properly, and couldn’t explain well enough.

She went through the files, setting a couple aside for students with particularly acute allergies, but nothing she couldn’t handle should the time ever come for these students to wander into her neck of the woods. A little wand waving a half hour later, and the remaining files were flying towards the cabinet, organizing themselves by last name. The drawer click shut, but she paid it no attention. Magic was just second nature to her. She picked up a clipboard and headed for the storage closet next, making note of the potions she needed, disposing of the potions that were beyond their shelf-life. Another half hour passed her by, and she knew it was getting close to movie time with her family, but she needed to make a trip downstairs and see if Ornella was fluttering about, preparing herself for her classes.

Leaving the hospital wing with a lantern floating next to her, it was eerie how quiet the castle was without the usual buzz of students, dashing from one class to the next. It made the tiny hairs on her neck stand on end and give her shivers as she moved down the corridors. She felt uneasy, which she supposed was saying something. She wasn’t usually the sort of person that spooked easily, and that was perhaps due to the training she had put herself though whilst she attended the Auror academy. She had already been a person who was constantly vigilant, especially after her rough childhood. She would never consider her childhood to be anything else but, really. The Auror Academy took her hyperawareness and honed it, turning her into something more than just a witch. She was now a witch with good instincts and combat skills.

She had found the Potions Mistress exactly where she thought she'd be and grinned as she tapped her knuckles on the doorframe. Ornella looked up, surprised. "Didn't mean to startle you," the healer was quick to apologize and took a step inside the office, noting the other Potions Professor was nowhere in sight.

"Oh, no," Ornella waved a dismissive hand. "I just wasn't expecting anyone else to come down here."

Aurora nodded her head. "Good summer?"

"Yeah, over too soon, though. You?"

"The best, and over much too soon," she grinned at the other woman.

"Those babies of yours are adorable."

Aurora smiled and her face flushed at the repeated comment from weeks ago when Ornella had seen the new additions to the family for the first time. “Yeah, I like them,” she commented nonchalantly, but the smile on her face was anything but. She was _in love_. That inexplicable feeling that only a parent could have for their children. It was the same for all of her children, and that love only grew more fierce as they grew. Anyone could see how much Aurora loved her family.

"So, what's up?"

Aurora innocently held up a list, knowing she was adding more work to Ornella's load. "Just a couple of things. The rest I can get in Hogsmeade when I get off the train tomorrow."

Ornella took the list and 'hmm'ed'  thoughtfully. “This isn’t the whole list, is it?” she inquired giving Aurora that knowing look.

The healer shrugged, smiled innocently. “I’ve got a few of the more complicated potions on the go at home. They’ll be ready tomorrow morning. These are ones I have a few on hand from last term, still, but will need to be stalked up by the end of the first week again.”

“That’s do-able. Consider it done.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

“Well, I won’t keep you,” Aura said, looking around at all the things Ornella still had left to do. “Taking the train tomorrow?”

“Uh, no. Think I’m just going to spend the night here.”

Aurora nodded her head and backtracked out of the room. “Well, goodnight. And, thanks again.”

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t long before Aurora was in the entrance hall of Hogwarts, where she heard her name coming from the large double doors and turned to see, “Arthur.” She greeted him and wandered closer to the man who had the door open just wide enough that he could slip through. She looked up at the door in an obvious sort of way, making the Hogwarts Headmaster flush under the scrutiny.

“Just thought I’d take a walk,” he explained.

“I didn’t ask,” she smirked at him and crossed her arms in good humor.

“I know. You weren’t asking very loudly.”

She couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped, because yeah, she supposed she did just walk right into that one. There were times when she needed to be reminded that actions spoke louder than words. She was lost in her thoughts when the red haired man asked, “Would you like to join me?”

When the headmaster asks for company, it’s usually unwise to decline the offer, despite the fact that Aurora had some place she needed to be. Her response was an automatic nod of her head, seeing not only the Headmaster of the castle before her, but also a driving force of the Order of the Phoenix, right alongside Kingsley Shacklebolt, whom Aura had also grown to admire and respect.

Before she knew it, she was walking side by side with Weasley on the grounds of the castle, the lantern still levitating at her side, following her around without fail. The sun was gone, taking with it the warmth of the day, and a cool breeze swept in in its stead. Still, she was comfortable, but should that change, all she needed was a quick warming charm.

“Beautiful night,” Weasley said conversationally. As the lantern next to her followed her, she too was following the headmaster. It didn’t matter what his destination was; she was loyal to a fault.

She hummed her response and looked down every so often at the terrain under their feet, careful of any unevenness that might disrupt her flow -- or perhaps it was out of awkwardness. Weasley didn’t mention it, if he noticed. After a moment, she realized he hadn’t. He was looking up at the stars as they moved, and she followed his gaze. They seemed so close, like she could reach out and touch one, pull it out of the sky and keep it for her own. “Is it safe?” Weasley asked suddenly as if the heavens just reminded him of it, and looking at him now, she met his gaze. She couldn’t quite read it. She detected concern, for her and for everything. The weight of the world...

She hummed her acknowledgement and continued following him towards the lake. Aurora was mulling things over, wordlessly picking apart the headmaster, wondering about everything she didn’t have the answers to, as she had been all day. They came to a stop at the White Tomb and Aurora swallowed thickly as she watched Weasley circle the grave before coming to a stop at the front. Everyone had seen the White Tomb before. It was no secret whose resting place it was. “Albus Dumbledore,” Weasley spoke, directed towards Aurora. She came up alongside him, invited into the private moment. “No greater wizard than him.”

This was also common knowledge, though debated in some circles. “I’m sorry I did not have a chance to meet him,” she offered. “He was remarkable.” Someone to be admired, to boot. She clasped her hands behind her back, observing the stone in its simplicity.

“He still is,” the headmaster countered. “Everything we’ve done, everything we’re doing, and everything we’re going to do is because of him. He _is_ the Order. We owe everything to him.”

Aurora’s eyes slipped closed and she angled her head away guiltily. Did she owe all the sacrifices she’s made to him, too? Eh, probably. The whole group was so indebted to the legend of a man that they’d sacrifice anything and everything, because in comparison, nothing they sacrificed would measure against the ultimate. But, Aurora wasn’t around back then, to be a part of that legend. It was a selfish thing to think, and even after years of being apart of the Order and everything they stood for, it still got to her at times. Did she owe this group her life just because others paid with theirs? Was there a line--and if so, where was it drawn?

“I know what you did wasn’t easy…” he started. She rolled her eyes upwards, throat constricting at the thoughts that had been haunting her for weeks now. Weasley was trying to read her like a book, with a small amount of success in his translation.

“No offense, but you have no idea what I’ve done.” She scoffed, more to herself than the headmaster. “I just screwed my husband out of a multi-million pound deal. For _you_ . For the _Order._ You tell me how I am supposed to reconcile with that.”

“Aura…” he hesitated. “I’m sorry. I wish there was some way we could compensate you…”

The healer gave a deprecating laugh. “I don’t care about the money, Arthur. I care that I have to lie to my husband about it and lead him down a false trail.” She gave a disbelieving sigh and took a step back. “Is that why you brought me here?” she waved at the White Tomb.

“No,” Weasley said quickly. “I honestly just came to visit an old friend.” Her jaw clenched with anger, not quite believing his intentions. “I’m just saying that I understand.”

“The hell you do.” Though she was bordering anger, she had an apologetic look to her. Getting pissed off at her boss was one thing, but getting pissed off at a friend was another. “Your entire family is part of the Order, just about. If they aren’t in it, they know of it, and you can go home at the end of the day and talk to your other half about it. I have no one that I can lean on like that. So, please, just…” She couldn’t finish the thought.

“If it bothers you so much, then why?”

What a loaded question. She stopped for a minute, looking at the tomb, still astounded that she wasn’t in one herself. It would always astound her, but she would always be waiting, anticipating her final breath. She knew, deep down, it was coming sooner rather than later, but every passing year surprised her when she didn’t drop dead and she had another day, another week, another month, another year to look forward to. “Because I know how important the Order is. I know what we do and why we do it. I understand _sacrifice,_ but I think it’s easier for some,” she meant the Weasley family, of course, “when they have a support system within.”

“Alright,” the ginger haired man acquiesced. “If you could bring one person into the Order, who would it be?”

Aurora opened her mouth, answer on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped, because as much as she wanted it, she hated the thought of it. Slowly, her mouth closed and she felt like she had just been put in her place.

“That’s what I thought,” Weasley said knowingly. “Because no matter how much you want to bring someone into the fold, you’re loathe to bring them into the fold, too. That, Aurora, is what _we_ live with.” _We_ , the Weasley family. _Fred._ Aurora knew and her insides seized. “Out of curiosity, who would you have picked?”

“My cousin, Alex.”

“Not your husband? Interesting.”

She felt trapped, suddenly, like there were no right answers. When it came to life or death, there never were. “Doesn’t mean I care for her safety any less than his,” she felt she needed to say.

“Of course not.”

“I don’t see Spike as the sort of person who could make the kind of choices we have to make.” _Life or death._ Thinking about it now, she wasn’t sure Alex could, either. If anything, Alex would be stupid enough to follow her off the edge, instead of letting her slip through her grasp. Perhaps that was part of what stilled her tongue in the first place.

Weasley turned to head back to the castle, but Aurora was left paralyzed at the tomb and struck by what it signified, both hopeful and foreboding. “What if that happens to me?” she called over her shoulder to his retreating back, her eyes transfixed on the white stone, on her possible--and likely--future. The thought of her family grieving in proverbial darkness gripped her, pulled at her emotions so badly, she could barely swallow down the bile. “The _only_ reason I brought you in on this was because if it all goes south, I needed someone to know what was going on. Just in case. What sort of answers will my family be given? Or will they be left wondering?”

The thought bothered her more than she felt it should. The hypocrisy of it all, yearning for companionship, and yet denying it to herself because it was too dangerous, but despite all that, her family deserved closure no matter how painful, no matter what the cost--their feelings and love for her--when her lies and deceit came to light. She knew that if their roles were reversed, that if it was Alex standing there and now, having a conversation with Weasley like it was an everyday occurance, their feelings wouldn’t be much different. Inherent in the two women was the desire to do more than they were born for, to help fix the world however they could, and to fiercely protect family and friends, however steep the price might be. Her cousin might be offended, yes, but she’d understand. Inevitably, she’d _understand_.

Weasley stopped, head bowed while he collected an answer in his mind, struggling for the rightful and reassuring words. Beats passed them by, seconds turned into tens of seconds, and Aurora began to find the answer herself, the truth she had known since the beginning and overlooked for the greater good. Perhaps she just wasn’t ready to face the possibility back then, wrapped up in the excitement of being _apart_ of something so vital and important to wizardkind’s very way of life. Things were different now, creating a civil war inside her between her head and her heart, and there was no telling which side would win. The problem was… what part of her was fighting which side of the battle?

“It would depend,” the ginger haired man said after a while, and he turned to look at her. He could have brushed it off, promised her that she wasn’t going to be one of the Order’s fallen, but it would have been empty, hollow. They both knew that. He couldn’t control fate any more than she could see it now.

Still, she was hoping for more than a vague answer. It was a form of torture on its own, crawling into the back of her brain, ninja’ing it from the inside out. “Depend on what?” she tossed back to him, because she needed to know. She was not part of the Order on some _need to know_ basis. It was all or nothing.

“You already know the answer to that,” he replied slowly.

Aurora turned towards him, emotions written all over her at the mere thought of _everything_. “That’s not good enough,” she told him, shaking her head. Her caramel curls brushed along her shoulders, caught by the breeze and the small movements of her head.

“What would you have us do, Aurora?” The question was frustratingly legitimate, and she should have expected that this was going to be turned around on her. “The absolute best we could do--if it ever happened--is give your family closure with a story that’s fitting.”

She turned back towards Dumbledore’s tomb, drawn to it, standing before greatness itself. Why was it bothering her so much? She couldn’t put her finger on why a cover story wasn’t good enough. All she could wrap her mind around was the fact that it just _wasn’t_ . It felt off, and wrong in so many ways. Was it supposed to bother her this much, when in the eventuality it did happen-- _Merlin forbid--_ she would be a little too dead to care? “It feels wrong,” she breathed. It wasn’t meant for Weasley to hear, but he did.

  
“It’s not supposed to feel right.” It was said on a shrug, because there was no easy answer, and certainly not one that could gratify the both of them. It was something that just _was_ , and it sucked.


	3. Chapter Three

**Warning: This chapter is rated M.**

* * *

 

**CHAPTER THREE**

 

Weasley had retreated back to the castle after Aurora had fallen into un-companionable silence. He wasn’t leaving to abandon her, she knew, but rather to give her the space to work through her inner turmoil. She sat down on the grass and looked up at the name engraved on the white stone. The man was a legend, frequently spoken about during the rare Order of the Phoenix meetings they had. Part of her felt like she knew him, and she had conversed with his portrait in the Headmaster’s office once or twice. If she had known him, and not just the memory version of him, there was no question that she would have followed him to the ends of the Earth just as willingly as those who had been privileged to have known him. And then there was the part of her that never felt like more of an outsider.

She thought long and hard about her choices, the ones she thought she was making to protect her family, the ones that came with a hefty price tag, such as trust, love, loyalty, and ultimately her life. The charade had been going on long enough that she could easily predict the reaction of her family if they were to find out about this secret life she had been hiding from them for  _ years _ now. 

There would be hurt. So much pain. The lies were so deeply rooted now, she couldn’t think of a way to fix it or make it remotely bearable. There would be no shades of grey, just black or white, just lies and truth. She wanted so much to make it right, but that price tag… Merlin, it was too much. 

Since her days in Hogwarts as a young girl, Aurora had never felt so powerless, caught in a catch 22. It tightened at her throat, challenging her to breathe, until she began to weep and just let it all flow out. Her emotions caught her off guard, snuck up on her and took her by surprise, and she couldn’t remember what brought it all up in the last twenty minutes to begin with. How did she go from preparing the Wing for another school year to  _ this _ ? She was still left to deal with the mess, regardless, and attempt to bottle it all back up again.

Ironic, given that the one person she’d usually work her indecision out with was the very same person she couldn’t confide in. “What am I supposed to do?” she asked herself, shivering sharply, and it wasn’t because of the night air. As much as her heart wanted what it wanted, to not have to lie to her family anymore, to have some form of camaraderie within the Order, her head hated it. She kept telling herself it was too dangerous, that risking her own life was enough and acceptable, but risking their lives was not. 

Aurora was making that choice for them, she knew, and more than anything knew that this is what Alex and Spike  would take issue with, treating them like children, incapable of deciding for themselves whether their lives were worth risking. It made her selfish, and selfless at the same time. She sat there for a long time, warring with her emotions, ultimately agreeing with her head, telling herself,  _ convincing herself _ , that it was better this way. That their lives were worth more than her broken one. Yes, Spike tried to keep her glued together, Alex worked hard at it too, but the truth of it was, Aura knew she was damaged beyond repair. 

No, it was better this way, but Merlin, there had to be some sort of middle ground that wasn't considered no man's land.

 

 

* * *

 

She eventually headed back towards the school and up to her little corner of it to finish organizing the shelves. She couldn’t shake the misery that she was swirling in. At one point, she gave up, decided she would just finish up tomorrow after the sorting feast. She was extremely late for the movie when she stepped into the fireplace. The green flames engulfed her, and instantaneously, she was taken from the castle and sent back to her home, her family, her reasons for doing everything she was doing. 

The living room was dark, not surprisingly. She headed upstairs where the theatre was, complete with a large screen that Spike insisted on when the addition to the house was built. He always wanted the cool stuff, and she had to admit, she rather liked it. The movie was going, something she didn’t recognize, filled with explosions that made the walls tremble… Spike looked up at her as she entered the room, the glow from the screen illuminating his brilliant smile at her arrival. He held out his arm to her, beckoning her to come to him, to sit by him and be close on her last night home. She offered him a tight smile in return as she came to sit down next to him, her body pressed deliciously against his as she settled in and his arm wrapped around her. 

His attention drifted back to the movie, so engrossed in it, but she didn’t care. Her eyes closed, and she rested her temple upon his shoulder, trying to forget about her emotional stresses. It wasn’t working, and her arms wrapped around Spike’s middle clutched tighter. She was betraying this man. She was betraying her vows to him. She could speculate what his reaction would be to the other side of herself she wouldn’t let him see, but in truth, he could be unpredictable. He’d take the kids. Oh, he’d try to, definitely, but she would fight, tooth and nail to keep them. The more she contemplated it, the more she realized that this was destined to implode if she opened her mouth and let all her secrets slip out. 

The movie was over, the lights were raised, and she looked at her watch. Eleven-thirty. The timing was perfect, and she managed to pull herself out of the funk she was in just long enough to embrace her motherly side. “Okay, everyone,” she said, sitting up, pulling away from Spike. “Bedtime. Up by eight for breakfast. Platform by eleven.” The plan was in motion now. The children grudgingly rose from their seats and headed for their bedrooms. Kate began to cry on the monitor and Aura smiled at the wonderful sound. “I got her,” she whispered to her husband, gave him a kiss, before heading off in the direction of the infant.

Arriving in the nursery, never was Aurora more thankful for soundproofing charms than she was now. With Kate wailing away and Evan sleeping soundly, it would have been disastrous if the  _ both _ of them were demanding her attention at once. Especially when Evan was woken from his sleep--it took forever to get him down again. “Whassa’matter, baby girl,” she cooed at the girl. Reaching, she pulled Kate out of her crib and grinned at her, cuddling her close, and for the moment, that seemed to calm her. Hell, it calmed them both as she swayed, rocking her daughter back and forth in her arms. “You’re getting heavy,” she continued. 

Kate immediately snuggled into Aurora after she parked herself down on the rocking chair. There was no way she was hungry, and it didn’t take her long to deduce that all Kate wanted was attention. AJ had more in common with her than the teenager was willing to admit, or even realized. Love of fire always grabbed attention. It wasn’t long before Kate was drifting back to sleep. Sighing to herself, the silence of the room brought her back to everything that was weighing on her mind.

“Coming to bed?” Spike said, and she realized she had been watched for an extended period of time and didn’t even notice. She looked up at him, half a smile on her face, and nodded. 

Putting Kate back into her crib, she exited the room and followed Spike down towards theirs. The potions she needed to cork would undoubtedly be ruined by the morning, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She’d pick up a supply in Hogsmeade instead. “You seem quite pensive today, Aura,” he murmured to her, closing the door behind them. She stood in the middle of the master bedroom and felt like she didn’t know what to do. This feeling of helplessness and lack of control was taking a toll on her. 

Spike was a perceptive man, and he could read her moods easily enough. Fifteen plus years would do that to a couple. He knew her tells and when something was bothering her. What was bothering her was for her alone, though, and she was confronted with the fact that she needed to lie to him,  _ again _ , to keep him safe,  _ again _ . It was painful, knotted her insides so tightly she could barely breathe.

But breathe she did. Cool and collected, a facade she wore for her family. “I just wish tomorrow wouldn’t come,” she answered him, chills racing through her when he stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her back flush against his chest. It wasn’t a lie, but it was a half truth at the same time. He swept her hair off her shoulder, brought his lips to her neck and she angled her head to accommodate him. “It just gets harder and harder.” Every year, the guilt compounded itself, weighed her down even more. She was struggling to stay afloat. “Leaving you, and the babies.”

She was going to miss him, and his lips on her skin was stirring her emotions, sending chills racing up and down her spine, everything inside her coiling with her  _ need _ for him. She let go a shaky exhale of breath and turned in his arms. She felt… empty. Incomplete. Her eyes flicked up from his mouth to meet his own ocean blues staring back down at her. Hers were watered around the edges, threatening to spill over, but she tried--oh how she  _ tried _ \--to keep them reigned in. Ultimately, she failed. Only this man could shatter her into a thousand pieces and fix her again with a single look. It was devastating. 

Her hand reached up, the tips of her fingers scratching along his stubble. The prickling feel of the tiny hairs, the way his lips parted ever so slightly, it drew her in. It was his eyes that had her, though, asking her,  _ Let me glue you back together. _

And damn if that didn’t break her a little more. The tenderness of his gaze. The soft touch of his hand along her cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing away a streak of tears. God, he was doing things to her. His touch, meant to deter her tears had the opposite effect, and more spilled forth. She felt so damaged, and she was hurting this man terribly so and he didn’t even know it. Her hands clutched at his shirt, and all she knew and felt was that she needed him to make her whole again, if only for the night. He could make her forget, if only for a night. So her eyes slipped shut, and her head bowed in submission to his own desires, wordlessly saying,  _ Yes, please fix me. _

Spike crowded into her, both moving closer to her and pulling her closer to him at the same time. She had to look up at him, to see the look in his eyes, that hunger that made her feel everything all at once. It took her breath away even before his lips descended down upon hers in a searing kiss. Her grip tightened, wrinkling his shirt so much so that Deew would have his work cut out for him. Spike hated wrinkled clothing just as much as she did, but in that moment, no one gave a damn. She was struggling to keep up with the fervor he poured into the kiss. His tongue grazed along the edge of her bottom lip, but he wasn’t seeking permission. He broke in, kicked that door down, shattered windows and demolished her walls. He did it everytime, and this was just as amazing as the last, and the time before that, and before that, right back to their first night together--the night they got engaged and made love for the first time, wedding bells be damned.

His tongue mingled with hers, tasting her mouth so thoroughly and passionately. It might’ve looked rough, but it was anything but. He was devouring her, and she was letting him guide her backwards. One step, then two and three, and she was trusting him not to lead her astray, or let her stumble and fall unless it was into their sinfully soft bed with their fifteen-hundred thread count sheets. The move to the bed was slow, but the beat of their hearts was fast, and Aurora was already lacking in oxygen. She felt faint, weak in the knees. 

Only him. Never could anyone else make her feel so jelly-like and vulnerable. He was splitting her open, but when he was done with her, there was the promise that she would be whole again. 

A moan, so quiet that if the room wasn’t so still, Spike would have missed it. He pulled back, and her mouth chased his, craving more despite the fact that her head was spinning. His nose brushed against hers in perfect eskimo kisses that would make igloos melt, and she remembered to breathe and savor. Spike always could tell when she became overwhelmed, expertly pulled back at just the right moment that kept her from losing herself too soon. 

She looked up at him, he was a full head taller than her, able to wrap his arms around her so she could tuck herself under his chin with ease. The perfect match. Her tears had stopped, but she was still shaken by him, by the love that oozed from his every pore. It was terrifying to think that she could lose this--there were just so many ways she could lose this. 

The back of her calves hit the bed, and Spike gently and slowly lowered her to it. Her muscles clenched with the effort of keeping her body in line with his all the way down, and he followed her. She looked up at him hovering over her, taking his weight onto his strong arms at her sides, watching her every facial expression; the one that said she was sorry for everything and nothing all at once; the one that said she needed him more than she needed oxygen; the one that said no matter what happens, this love would never burn out. Then, she couldn’t take it anymore, and she lifted up just enough, surging towards him so their lips could dance together again in hot open mouthed kisses. 

Her hand reached up, carding through the small strands of hair on his head, and he came to her, allowing her to sink back down onto the mattress, while their tongues tango’ed together. She pulled at his shirt, wrestling it from around his waist until she had a good enough grip to  bring it over his head, disengaging the kiss in order to accomplish her mission, but they were drawn back together like magnets and her hands were free to roam the expanse of his firm chest as a result of her success. The shirt fell somewhere over the edge of the bed. 

While his mouth was fused to hers, his fingers began to work on the buttons of her blouse, slipping one small disk through the loop, and then another and another. Every time was new again with him. He pulled back, just enough for his hands to spread her shirt off her torso, casting his eyes downward. Heat flashed through her, making her skin flush. She wondered if he was looking at the scar on her abdomen, or the scar just above her right breast. He wasn’t. He never did, not in the way she was thinking, anyway. She never could understand what he saw when he looked at them, the constant reminders of her weakness and failure as a teenager, the loss of her innocence at the hands of evil. 

Spike drifted lower, his lips secured against her neck. She tilted her head back for better access, and she could swear he felt her shiver because she could feel the grin on his face against her pulse. He lingered there, prolonged every move he made and made her go crazy with want and need. Every little touch was everything, and not enough at the same time, which was true to everything that Aurora was and stood for. Just another contradiction in itself. 

Eventually, he began to travel again, leaving behind wet trails until he predictably went for the scar, laving it with the flat of his tongue. It produced a sharp intake of air, it always did, and her hands coiled around his ear, or carded through his hair. She’d allow him this, she always allowed him this: his need to pay homage to the ugliest parts of her was just something she couldn’t, and wouldn’t understand. Where she saw weakness, he saw strength and he worshipped those scars like every other part of her body because they  _ were _ apart of her. He told her once that it was a reminder that she survived and was a symbol of her strength. He assured her they were badges of honor because she was still alive.

Aura  _ wished _ she could believe him.

Those ugly marks, though, did not compare to the scars he couldn’t see or worship. Of course, he’d seen some of what was in there, but not all of it. She shielded him from that part of herself as best she could, but there were times when she couldn’t contain her rage at the injustice of it all. Times like now, when he just knew her so well that he could see she was feeling broken and needed to be held together, and he’d do it without question. 

He wanted her shirt off, so Aurora sat up to accommodate him, forcing him to his feet again, which neither complained about because doing this with their legs hanging over the edge of the bed is not what either of them had in mind. 

Her shirt was gone, sailing across the room until it uncurled, billowed out and fluttered to the floor. She looked up at him, towering over her. She scooted back on the bed until her head hit the pillow, and Spike crawled after her. Her body hummed with with anticipation. The feral look in his eyes arrested her as he drew closer, like a predator would it's prey; and this was certainly that, and more. She surged up to him again, not able to stand not touching him, which was a challenge on the nights when they explored other sides to their sex life. Silk scarves around her wrists, keeping her at bay, until she went out of her mind with need. 

Tonight wasn't about that, though. Tonight was raw and filled with inexplicable need. His hands were on the move, circling around her back, pressing them both together. He found the clasp of her stormy-blue bra, expertly released it, before his hands were on the move again. She gave a tiny flinch when his hand touched the scar on her back that covered the expanse of her left shoulder blade; Bumpy skin courtesy of a well aimed jet of acid at the hands of a sociopath. 

Harko had never touched it, she never wanted him to, either, but the thought had been lurking in the back of her mind that perhaps her ex was put off by it. Pierre, in Paris, never touched it, either, but their one night affair wasn't enough evidence to suggest that he wouldn't have touched it if she had given him half the chance. Still, both men made her feel... less. Not Spike, though. He’d wordlessly asked for permission their first time together with a look in his eyes as his fingers danced dangerously close to the damaged skin. That… well… _ that _ had taken her breath away, and all she could do was give him a barely there nod, enough to give him the permission he sought. It was more than just permission to touch that he’d been asking for, though; it was permission to love her.  _ All _ of her. However damaged.

Her husband’s hands were gentle, but the old wound was still quite sensitive, and would be for the rest of her life, constantly reminding her of her past. Her one saving grace was that it was on her back, and she didn't have to look at it everyday. Aurora knew what he was doing, worshipping and cherishing it, gliding the palm of his hand over the marred skin like a healing balm, putting back one of her many shattered pieces. She moaned against his mouth before her head hit the pillow again. 

Her bra was discarded, and the former Slytherin went in for the kill, pressing open mouthed kisses on her chest, over her heart and down the valley between her breasts. She shuddered, her body awakening under him. He was lighting fires everywhere he went, every small portion of skin he touched. Spike looked up at her, not at all surprised to find her eyes had closed. She was losing herself to the sensations, listening to her body instead of her head. 

Aurora tried to control her breathing, but it was so hard to do when he started turning his ministrations into a slow torture. She loved being tortured this way. His tongue drifted along her skin, coasted over her left breast and swirled around the areola. She sucked in a breath and held it until she couldn’t anymore and exhaled shakily. Merlin, she wanted  _ more _ , but she had no right to ask for it, so with what self-control she had, she didn’t and allowed him to set the pace. That didn’t mean her hands weren’t still in his hair, gripping gently to let him know what he was doing to her, that it was working. 

He blew cool air against her skin, raising goosebumps and arousing her further. She mewled, too far-gone already to even be embarrassed by how quickly he could reduce her to a puddle, and a smattering of sounds. He took his sweet time, always destroyed her so thoroughly before he gave her everything. He nipped at her pert nipple, and she gasped appropriately at just the right mix of pain and pleasure until he latched on with his insincere apologies and soothed the ache away. And the process repeated itself predictably on the other side. 

He traveled back upwards, mouths drawn together once more. She poured every ounce of love she had into his mouth. Eventually, Spike was able to focus his hands and lead them down to her trousers, snapping the button open and slowly dragging the zipper down, prolonging the torture he was so skilled at delivering. His fingers toyed along the edge of the lace which matched her long since discarded bra. She couldn’t think with his tongue working hers so magically, dueling for dominance, all the while his hand teased her. Suddenly, his hand was  _ right there _ , and her legs parted just that much more.

He pulled back, and she couldn’t stop herself from trying to reclaim his mouth, rising up to him. He had a smug expression on his face as he placed his other hand between her breasts and pushed her back down, and she let him. His eyes were dark with love and lust both. He curled his finger against her and her breath was lodged in her throat as he parted her folds teasingly. He was watching her, taking in her tear stained cheeks, like she was his favorite television show, and he was some obsessed fan, and he curled his fingers  _ again _ and heat rushed through her to pool low in her abdomen. 

Aura’s multicolored orbs flicked to his gorgeous blues and she saw the question in them;  _ Is this for me? _ It was egotistical, and yet appropriate, because his fingers were skating along, spreading her arousal and it was so sensual, and he was going to completely unravel her so embarrassingly fast in the most overwhelming of ways. He was good at that. A sound escaped her, a cross between a moan and a whimper, breathy, high pitched and uncontrolled, when his index finger swirled around her bundle of nerves. She bucked into him. Deciding he either liked that reaction, or he was dissatisfied with her lack of answer to the question he  _ hadn’t _ asked, he did it again, punishingly.

It was the best punishment in the world.

She reached up, gathered a fistful of his hair and pulled his mouth back to hers.  _ Yes, it’s for you. _ She was done for when his finger paraded another lap around her sharply tingling clitoris, and her back bowed. Aurora gasped into the kiss, her mind gone blank. Everything inside her coiled, wound so tightly, until the proverbial lever snapped under the stress and everything was released all at once. She shuddered, muscles fluttering uncontrollably. Spike pulled back to watch as her orgasm took hold, and it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Her hands gripped at his biceps, occasionally squeezing in time with the waves of pleasure she felt coursing through her. She didn’t make any noises, but  _ oh, _ her lips were parted as though she was trying to. The burst of pleasure had snuck up on her, and it was silent, but so very effective and deadly. 

Spike’s lips curled upwards proudly when she fell back against the mattress, his fingers continuing to dance and gather up the evidence of her orgasm, an orgasm he was prolonging. She gave a long, slow exhale as he worked her down from her high. Oh, he could make her scream if he wanted to, had certainly done it more often than he could count, but this was just as good… if not, then even more perfect because of how intimate it was. She was panting, soft little puffs of air that hit him in the face, a sheen of perspiration on her skin; the power of just a few fingers.

He withdrew his hand, she  _ almost _ whimpered at the loss, but she knew better things were in store and the night was far from over. Her eyes slowly began to focus on him again, finding him staring back at her. He brought his fingers up to his lips once he was certain he had her attention, looking to erase all the evidence with his tongue. 

Her mouth closed, jaw tight and she breathed heavily through her nose, because,  _ Merlin, _ it made her insides flutter again, literally. It was so intimate and erotic, and her chest continued heaving with the labor of remembering how to breathe. He leaned forward and kissed her, and she could faintly taste herself on him. It spurred her on, her hands traveling down to the waistband of his pants, realizing for the first time that he’d changed out of his swimming trunks while she was gone.  _ OFF! _ she would have said if her mouth wasn’t being so thoroughly explored. Spike chuckled against her, gentle rumbles of his amusement that carried through her and he pulled back. 

_ OFF!  _ he agreed, sharing in the connection they had established together, but before he made quick work of his pants, he worked on hers, traveling down the bed for ease of access. His lips skated just below her navel, and he was proud of the way her stomach muscles clenched under such a tiny, barely there touch. He traveled much lower, and he was just too far from her, but she could only look down the length of her body and watch him, captivated by his every movement. He grabbed her ankle, pulled at the black sock she was wearing and tossed it over his shoulder with a smirk, knowing anticipation was rising up inside her again, and he’d hate to disappoint her. 

His fingers brushed on the sensitive underside of her foot, trailing the arch. She squealed, a burst of laughter exploded from her throat and she pulled her foot away from the truest form of torture. Her feet were extremely ticklish, but his smirk turned to a genuine smile at his success. The woman of minutes ago, tears on her face, wracked with her emotions had disappeared, and what was left was just his wife, safe in his presence, trusting herself to him.

Despite the fact that he just broke that trust by using her weakness against her. Ticklish feet were the damndest thing, but he loved hearing that uncontained squeal, the joy, and he loved seeing her so  _ free _ and not trapped inside her own head. He went for her other foot, but she playfully pulled it away. It didn’t take much for him to capture it and pull at her sock, discarding it with the other one. He’d already achieved the desired result, going by the smile on her face, and so he spared her other foot the same treatment and let go. His movements were slow and calculated and she simply watched, her bottom lip pinched between her teeth. 

Eventually, his hands caught the edges of the last remaining garments on her body, and he was predictably slow in his removal of them. She lifted her hips to help him. Sharp tingles traced up and down her spine, and they almost paralyzed her when he dropped the clothes over the side of the bed. It was such an incredible feeling being so exposed to him. His hands moved up her calves, tickling her as he went, until his hands rested on her  bent knees. Their eyes met, and there was that instant, inexplicable connection between them as he gently parted them. He descended upon her and her back arched, inviting all the good things that were to come.

It was many hours later when they found themselves in a tangle of sweaty limbs, spent, sated, out of breath. They hadn’t said a word to one another since her head hit the pillows, which only served to enhance the experience altogether as he wordlessly glued her back together, just as he wordlessly promised he would.  She was seeing stars… figuratively as well as quite literally, outside the bedroom window. Shafts of moonlight illuminated the room, adding to the afterglow of their lovemaking. Spike was curled up around her, his head resting just above her breast.  _ More comfortable than a pillow, _ he had once told her, making her laugh heartily. 

He was listening to the pounding of her heart and her hand was stroking through his hair lovingly, and thankfully, and there were no amount of pancakes in the morning that would make up for this. She let out a breathy sigh and inclined her head towards him. All she could think about was how much she loved this man as his fingers danced teasingly along her ribs. 

Still, no words were exchanged. None were needed. Just puffs of air as they reigned in their marathon breathing. His weight was crushing her, and it was so welcomed. With him draped over her like a blanket himself, keeping her warm, she knew he must be getting chills--or he eventually would. So, she reached for the blanket, tugging enough so it escaped from under her leg so she could wrap it around their naked bodies. 

She felt so boneless and tired, deliciously satisfied, but sleep wouldn’t claim her. She was feeling so many things that she couldn’t put a label on. It’s like everything was just put in a blender and mixed together to the point where one emotion wasn’t discernible from the others. She was overwhelmed by them, still, struck speechless by them, and by  _ him _ .

Aurora looked down as well as the awkward angle would allow her. She found herself drifting back into her head. This man would prove to her over and over just how much he loved her, especially if she asked him to. She couldn’t help but think she owed him the same. It was all coming back to her so quickly. It was her curse, really, being unable to shut her brain off for an extended period of time. 

Spike deserved so much more than her, and he didn’t deserve the falsified maps and reports that now rested in his desk drawer, either, that would lead him on some wild goose chase. He didn’t deserve her secrets and lies, her double life. He gave her  _ everything _ . He didn’t hold back. She couldn’t say the same.

_ Why can’t I be like that? _ she thought to herself, not for the first time . It was killing her, because again, all she could think about were the consequences. Already he was up in arms whenever trouble migrated towards her, wanting to take her and the kids and hide when dark forces reared their heads. She could only imagine how he’d feel when she told him she actively sought it out like some sort of daredevil. Merlin, she just couldn’t keep it from him anymore. All she wanted was to be able to dive into everything with someone. Spike, Alex, the both of them, it didn’t even matter. Why couldn’t they jump into this together?  _ Maybe he’ll understand. Maybe he’d want in _ . There was a time when Spike had risked his life for this then girlfriend, Sorsha, after an acromantula had trampled on both her and Aurora. Though… was that just the beginning of a pattern? Did he specifically have tunnel vision for his loved ones, and forget the bigger picture? 

Or… Maybe she just wasn’t giving him enough credit. 

One thing was certain, the way everything was bottled up inside her was destroying her slowly, and very soon would lead to some sort of implosion. At the very least, he deserved the truth and the _ choice _ . 

She was shaking as she gathered up her courage, and her eyes watered with anticipation of the impending disaster. She was doing this.  _ Oh, God, she was doing this _ . 

“Spike,” she whispered, her fingers resuming their movements through his hair her heart pounding in her chest, her blood rushing. He curled against her, his grip tightening around her. His breathing had evened out, and she craned her neck to see that his eyes were closed, and he had fallen asleep. Damnit,  _ he was asleep _ .

She kept her whimper in as her resolve slipped away instantaneously. An opportunity lost.

She looked up at the ceiling, tears fell, she couldn't keep them in. 

_ Maybe it’s better this way. _


	4. Chapter Four

**CHAPTER FOUR**

 

It was 7:30am when Aurora woke up to movement beside her. She had no idea when she had fallen asleep, but she certainly didn’t get any more than two and a half hours. It didn’t really matter. Aurora was used to pulling twenty-four hour days when the need arose. She’d been woken in the middle of the night for emergencies in the Hospital Wing before. The worst was having to go outside in the snow, just on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest and give a preliminary inspection on the bodies of both Professors Ferne and Roth. Of all the reasons to be up during all hours of the night, dead bodies was the worst. She wasn’t a stranger to losing patients, sometimes there was just nothing a healer could do.

Two hours sleep? She could survive, and looked forward to a nap on the train. But, she wouldn’t nap. She told herself every year that she would, but she didn’t.

The healer winced against the sunlight pouring through the partially opened curtains and rolled away from the assault on her barely awake senses with a groan. On her stomach, she pressed her face into her pillow. Moonlight was much more inviting. She heard Spike chuckling next to her. More movement, and she realized he was hovering over her, and normally, she would like where this was headed… until something very cold was pressed against the bare skin of her lower back and she shot up with something between a cry and a gasp. If she wasn’t awake before, she was _now_. That was cold enough to wake the dead.

“Spike!” she cried, scooting away from him towards the edge of her side of the bed, but he was still chuckling, and holding up the cold bottle of water innocently; and it wasn’t just cold, it was _ice cold_. She could still feel the shivers racing through her, and he had placed it so expertly on her back in a place where the feeling would linger, just like the memories they made last night lingered in her mind. When she calmed down enough to settle against her pillow again, she glared at him. He knew she didn’t mean it, that she wasn’t really angry, because the water was for _her_. Such a sweet man. She took a second to assess him. He was dressed, his hair still wet from the shower she didn’t hear him taking.

“G’morning,” he greeted in what could only be described as a seductive tone, leaning forward on all fours and kissing her. After the joke he just played on her, she was a little less than receptive to his advances. She wanted to take that bottle from him and just show him how cold it was below his belt and see how _he_ liked it. He pulled away after a few quick pecks, much to her disappointment, because he was just starting to melt her. She wanted more. She wanted a lot more, and so she pulled him back to her with the smile that was only reserved for him. Indulging in another passion filled kiss, her fingers trailed along his jaw reverently.

Suddenly, she hissed at the feeling of the cold bottle being pressed into her abdomen and he pulled away. She reached for the weapon--it could only be described as such--if only so he couldn’t press it to her skin again. “Gimme that.”

“Are those the sort of manners you’re imparting on our children?” he scoffed at her. She wished she could wipe that smirk from his face, and her narrowed eyes just weren’t doing it. She hated that, but she _loved_ it. “I figure… divide and conquer? You shower, I’ll get Kate and Evan. Deew’s got breakfast going already.” Yes, yes… that was the plan, wasn’t it? A tradition almost on its own, except for Kate and Evan, who were the new additions to it. “Kids will be up in a half hour or so… I’ll make sure there’s a steaming cup of coffee waiting for you,” he added knowingly. She wasn’t a regular coffee drinker, but resorted to the substance every now and again when she needed to.

“Mm’kay,” she mumbled, watching him go.

 _Spike_. It was on the tip of her tongue. If she called out to him now, he would turn, flash his blue eyes at her, and he would be all ears. He would hang on her every word until she finished talking, and the thought incapacitated her.

When he was gone out their bedroom door, she looked away out the window and rested her arms on her knees. She never thought of herself as the sort of person who could do this to the people she loved. A new feeling washed over her and her forehead came to rest upon her forearms.

 _Shame_. Pure and undiluted.

 

* * *

 

Getting the children ready for the platform was no easy feat.

They had opted for the mini-van out of the assortment of cars that Spike was accumulating. Given the number in their family, even a magically enchanted car still wouldn’t be enough room for the lot of them. Well, that was definitely an exaggeration; magic felt infinite at times.

Aurora held Spike’s hand while he drove, palms kissing, fingers interlaced. At one point, he brought her hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. Such a sweet, sweet man, but the fact that they had to say goodbye in less than a half hour hung over them like a storm cloud.

And it certainly wasn’t long before there was commotion in the back that had Aurora turning in her seat to shoot them a glare. “Knock it off,” she chastised them. It didn’t matter which one of them was doing _what_ , and immediately, Jonathan leaned back in his seat, no longer poking Jacen in the back of the head. Spike was chuckling, but he squeezed her hand reassuringly, knowing the rest of the ride would be done in relative silence. The healer tried to exercise patience at the red traffic lights as the car filled with silent tension.

Eventually, they made it to Kings Cross, and unloaded their trunks, each child responsible for their own, as well as any pets they may have, as it has always been. They needed to pay for the pets themselves, and care for them. Aurora, on the other hand, wasn’t carrying a trunk. It had already been sent to her quarters at Hogwarts. Instead, she held young Evander in her arms, strolling through the busy muggle side of the train station behind her children who seemed to be eager to head for the magical wall separating the two worlds. The minutes were ticking down… and soon she would have to hand her son over to his father and say goodbye again for a couple of weeks before she could come home to see them again.

Spike pushed the stroller alongside her, and she would make sure to get equal time in with Kate before she had to board the train. Though, she could always just _miss_ the train and still beat it by hours and apparate to Hogsmeade. Merlin, the thought was so appealing. Before Aura knew it, the children had already disappeared through the wall, and she was amazed at how quickly things were happening now. She needed more time. With Spike’s hand resting comfortably at the small of her back, she went through the wall after them.

Evander didn’t like that… _at all_. He started fussing in her arms, crying at the sensation. “Shhhh,” she cooed him, jostling him against her body to soothe him. It worked to a degree. “Oh, you’ll eventually start talking,” she grinned at him and the mumbles he was giving her. She started giving him some baby talk in return.

She turned her grin over to Spike, who was taking in the picture of the two of them. He eventually became distracted, and Spike shouted over the buzz of people, telling the kids to get their trunks on the train. There was only fifteen minutes before they had to say goodbye. “There’s Alex,” Spike said to Aura, and immediately Aurora looked around to see where he’d spotted her. She found her quickly enough, and smiled in her direction.

“Hey Alex,” Aurora grinned as Alex strolled over. “This is _quickly_ becoming a tradition, or something.” Carefully, Aurora passed off Evander to Spike and stooped to pluck Kate from the stroller.

“It’s been what? Seven years now? When have I not seen you off, Squirt?” Alex admonished Aura’s sarcastic tone, making Aurora chuckle. “Crey is with the kids over there, and we found Selina and Daniel with Gabi,” she waved towards her blue-haired husband somewhere off to the other side of the train platform. Still, there was something behind the initial statement that had Aura mulling things over in her head. Seeing them off seemed innocent enough, but Alex’s misgivings about Hogwarts were known to Aurora from the beginning, and… then it dawned on her. Part of seeing them off was Alex’s way of reconciling that this could be the last time she saw them, still convinced that Hogwarts was a dangerous place to be and the only reason she was allowing Olton to go was because Aura was going to be there to watch over them every step of the way. “Spike keep you up all night?” she added, teasing, ignoring the knowing look Aura was giving her.

Aurora knew it was a jab against the tiredness that was in her eyes. Her laugh was almost self-deprecating. It was Spike that answered, though, “All but a couple of hours.”

“Spike!” she admonished him, blushing furiously. “Filter!”

“Oh, right,” he smirked at her before turning a serious look towards Alex. “She was in bed ridiculously early,” he deadpanned and shook his head. “That was just one _amazing_ dream I had last night.”

“Spike!” Aura rushed forward, reaching her free hand up to Spike’s mouth to silence him. She could feel the smile under the cover of her hand, and she just dared him to snake his tongue out. That would be so like him, but fortunately, he didn’t make a spectacle. “You seriously need to stop talking… like ten seconds ago.” She pressed a kiss to the back of her hand against his mouth, because he didn’t deserve one on the mouth after that, did he? She pulled away from him--she was tempted.

She moved closer towards Alex, smiling. “I’m glad you’re here.” Aura meant the words to Alex, truly, but her focus was on Kate.

As Alex looked on, her heart broke. It was always hard to watch as Aurora left part of her life behind, something Aura had confided in her at one point, but never brought it up again. It was always enough to share something once and just leave it behind. Alex reached a hand out and grazed Kate’s growing hair, silently promising to look out for the infants, and the man responsible for them. That meant so much to her, too.

Aura looked up at Alex, struggling to keep that smile on her face from turning into a tearful frown. She buried her face into Kate’s tiny pink-clothed shoulder, hiding her emotions from everyone, and she nodded ever so slightly when Alex rested her hand on her shoulder with love and support. Damn if that didn’t break her a little more. This was never easy. “Means a lot,” Aura repeated, looking up again, her eyes watered heavily.

“I wouldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye first, and my promise still stands. I’ll look out for them.”

“Thank you.” The healer tried to blink away her tears, but they fell anyway. She looked at Spike, not at all surprised to find he was just as emotional as she was and he came up alongside her, and she leaned into him somewhat awkwardly as they both held a baby in their arms.

Honestly, what could be said to make this feel any better?

 _Nothing_.

“Come on. Just enough time to see the others. I think Olton is itching to get on the train,” Alex murmured, taking the stroller, leading them in the direction towards the others, and obediently, Aurora and Spike followed, knocking into each other as the twins gave them a lopsided gait. Neither wanted to drift apart from the other as much as they could help it over the next few minutes, especially in the face of being apart for weeks.

“Hey everyone,” Aurora greeted on their approach. Awkwardly, she hugged Creylen, Selina and Daniel. She gave Olton’s hair a quick tousle and Gabi’s shoulder a squeeze. “Trunks already on the train?” she asked him, and Gabrielle, receiving synchronized nods in return. “Good, good.” She stood next to Spike again, and his free arm wrapped around her protectively and possessively.

The VonHaus kids ambushed the group, cries of ‘Auntie Alex!’ filling the air as Jacen nearly tackled the pregnant woman. “Careful, Jace!” she scolded, but Alex waved her off.

“He’s fine,” she nodded, wrapping an arm around the youngest Ravenclaw.

They watched their children say their farewells to Alex, Creylen, Selina and Daniel, one at a time. There were so many people in their family, each goodbye as heartfelt as the last, pulling violently at everyone’s heartstrings. Then Edward, Jon, AJ and Jacen bounded over to their father to give him his farewell whilst Alex held onto Evander. They said goodbye to the twins, too, pressing kisses to their little heads.

Before they all knew it, there was less than a minute for the train to be boarded by all passengers. “Okay, go on,” Aurora urged them, and eagerly, the all kids took off to reconnect with their friends, gossip with one another and brag about their summers. Fifteen minutes, gone by in a flash.

Aurora turned back to the people she was leaving behind. She placed Kate back in the stroller, and Alex placed Evan behind her. Hugs went to Selina, Daniel and Creylen. She went to Alex next, pulled her in for a hug, and held so tightly that the both of them could barely breathe. She knew Alex had no problem with that, given the way she was hugging her back equally as tight, but... growing baby. This hug probably wasn’t good for the growing baby. Definitely wasn’t good. She turned her head and pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “I love you, Quack. Please take care of yourself. And if anything happens… you let me know and I’ll be here, okay?” She smiled when Alex nodded against her shoulder.

“I love you, too, Squirt. Be safe.”

“I’ll make sure to be around in November when this little one comes along,”

They pulled back, let each other go Alex hastily wiped away her own tears as she pulled away completely, and manned the helm of the stroller as Spike moved closer. Aurora embraced him, gave him everything she had in the kiss they shared, and he drank her in, pulling her close.

Everything around them fell away. Sure, there was family, and children around them, and this may have been unprofessional, but that was the furthest thing from her mind. This was a wife saying goodbye to her husband. Her arms wrapped around his neck, keeping him close, even as their lips broke apart. “I love you, you know,” she whispered.

“I know,” came his usual and casual reply, and he kissed her forehead.

She smiled at the familiarity of it, and it somehow soothed her. “If you ask me to stay…” she trailed off, leaving the sentiment there for him to interpret, but they both knew it wasn’t that simple. Her hand came up to stroke back an errant strand of hair as she memorized his face all over again.

“You’d still go.” She met his gaze, gave a small smile, because he was right.

“What about if I asked you to stay?” Alex asked, even though she was occupying herself with entertaining the kids in the stroller while Aura had a moment with her husband. Aurora barked a laugh, which Alex took as a resounding ‘no’. “Just thought I’d throw it out there,” she added with a nonchalant shrug.

Shaking her head, she gave Spike a quick parting kiss. “I love you, you know,” he murmured.

“I know,” she replied saucily.

Next, she gave each of her babies a kiss on the head, lingering with them, cutting her time close. She backed away from them sadly, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I love you,” she said once more, and it was sent to all of them.

The healer made her way to the train and stepped onto it. She turned around and gave them a longing look that spoke volumes. A look that both Alex and Spike probably understood in their own ways.

_I’m doing this for all of us._


End file.
